Hey Captain, I was Wondering Kurotsuchi Edition
by Selestyna Arpa364
Summary: "Hey Captain, I was wondering, what is a kiss?" Nemu needs to do some research, so who should she ask for help? Nemux MYSTERY MAN! T for sensuality and swearing.


**Nope, don't own Bleach.**

Nemu stared at the screen which provided her with a look into Karakura town. She was currently working on her new assignment given to her by Captain Kurotsuchi.

"Nemu!" Captain Kurotsuchi swept into the lab the day before looking positively insane. This meant he had a new hypothesis he wanted to test. Correction, he wanted Nemu to test.

"Yes master?" She set down her test tubes and bowed.

"I was examining the World of the Living on impulse today and I had a fascinating hypothesis."

"Master?" She was actually quite interested. The World of the Living was where the Substitute Soul Reaper and his friends came from. They were all really nice people and she secretly would like an excuse to study them closely.

"I was looking over some old files last night and it occurred to me that we've recently done very little research into the effect of emotions on soul reapers' fighting techniques." Nemu nodded to show she was listening. "I want you to stop your experiments and look into the World of the Living. You'll be doing some background research on emotions. Your research will provide me the data I need to make a drug to repress or heighten certain emotions to make soul reapers more effective fighters."

Nemu nodded. "But master, wouldn't it be easier and more scientifically accurate to study soul reapers themselves?"

Captain Kurotsuchi tutted. "Foolish girl, don't you know anything? All soul reapers were once human due to those damn restrictions that the Head Captain made, we are limited to what research we are allowed to do on active soul reapers. Rather than go through all that annoying paperwork, I figured it would be easier to observe humans, since there are no restrictions on them." Nemu nodded again. "Get to work right away, I want a detailed report on human emotions by next week."

Thus she was now staring at Karakura High School trying to differentiate the difference between 'envy' and 'jealousy'. Her dictionary provided only minimal background information, the old files were incomplete and not very detailed, and observing human behavior (without audio mind you) was difficult and tedious. She spent most of her day researching these two emotions until something caught her eye. She zoomed in the camera and blinked in surprise.

There before her very eyes was Ichigo Kurosaki, and she recognized his friends, the red-haired Orihime, Chad, the tall dark and silent, and (here she felt her cheeks warm a bit) the bespeckled Quincy. They were all dressed warmly, as it was mid-December and they walked quickly to generate heat to their bodies. She watched them until they passed through the school gates when something else caught her eye.

A boy and a girl were locked in an embrace with their lips pressed together. Nemu blinked, this was something she hadn't seen before. She pressed the touch screen to see if there was any data on the subject. A small box appeared labeled 'Emotion: Love'. That was a start. She flipped through the old file until she reached the 'love' section. Unfortunately, there was very little written, the only thing written in was the 'characteristics' section.

"Hug?" She read the short description and decided that the boy and girl were 'hugging', but what were they doing with their mouths? She looked through the rest of the 'love' file. It was blank except for one word on the last page: 'kiss'. She looked in her dictionary. Kiss: to touch or press with the lips slightly pursed, and then often to part them and to emit a smacking sound. Nemu frowned. She could have figured that out just by looking! Whoever wrote this report was an idiot…she sighed. This left her with no choice. She gathered her materials and left to find her Captain. She would ask him.

"Nemu, what are you doing in here? I thought I told you to research emotions!"

"Forgive me master, but I have a question which none of my materials can answer. It is pertinent to my research."

Her Captain sighed and took off his rubber gloves and put the syringe down. The poor soul reaper on the table looked positively relieved that the Captain was leaving, until he said "I'm not done with you yet." Captain Kurotsuchi walked to his office and sat behind his large desk.

"So what is this question that is so important that you had to disrupt my research?"

Nemu took a deep breath. Maybe she should try wording it like Rangiku did when she wanted a day off from her Captain?

"Ahem…hey Captain I was wondering, what is a kiss?"

Her Captain blinked. "A kiss?" Nemu nodded. "How should I know, researching emotions is your job Nemu and so far you are doing rather poorly at it."

Nemu bowed her head. She knew he was right. "If you don't know and none of your materials give you any clues, I suggest you do a bit of field research. Nemu's head snapped up in surprise.

"Go to the World of the Living?"

"Yes you stupid girl, that is what field work entails. I'll open up my private Senkaimon and send you through tomorrow at two. I expect you to be ready by then."

"Yes Captain, I will." She bowed and left the office. This worked well. She wondered…perhaps asking the substitute soul reaper would be easiest since it would require less explaining on her part…she was programmed to remember anything she was told, so she wouldn't need any materials for writing, but she might need some other items…she left in search for Rangiku. She had been to the World of the Living before and would know most about their customs and clothing…

"Nemu what are you wearing? Take those disgusting rags off this instant!"

"Master, this is part of the preparation. I spoke with Lieutenant Matsumoto about Karakura Town's customs and she informed me that while in a gigai, I should dress like a human so as to not attract unwanted attention."

Her Captain huffed. "Fine. I expect you back by 7 o' clock. Do not be late."

"Yes Master." She bowed and entered the Senkaimon. She took a deep breath, this was her first trip to the World of the Living.

She arrived in Karakura town about five minutes after leaving the Soul Society. It was cold and overcast and thank goodness Rangiku had insisted she take that coat. She was just about to get her bearings to set out for the school when someone spoke to her.

"L-lieutenant Kurotsuchi?" Nemu spun around, already prepared for a fight, but when she saw who it was, she lowered her fists.

It was Uyruu Ishida the Quincy. She bowed to him. "It is nice to see you again Quincy."

Uryuu quickly bowed back. "Uh…you can call me Uryuu if you like. I don't mean to be rude, but what are you doing here?" He looked her over and blushed. He fully expected her to look…well…unusual knowing her father's taste, but surprisingly she was wearing a deep purple sweater dress with grey tights and black boots over which she wore a green pea coat. Also she wore her hair half up, tied out of her face with a simple purple ribbon _Wow,__her__fashion__sense__is__impeccable,__those__colors__compliment__her__skin__tone__beautifully__and__the__cut__of__her__dress__and__coat__show__off__WHAT__AM__I__THINKING?_ Uryuu blushed, something Nemu noted.

"Uryuu, then. I'm here for the afternoon doing research on human emotions for my Captain."

Uryuu opened his mouth, then closed it. As curious as he was, he figured it was none of his business…not that he really wanted to know anyway…knowing _that_ Captain, he was probably creating something foul.

"Ah, I see. Well, is there anything I can do to help you Lieutenant?" _IDIOT!__You__just__thought__to__yourself__ '__I__didn__'__t__want__to__know__'__,__what__happened__to__that__philosophy__eh?_

"You may call me Nemu if you like and if you are willing, I'd like to ask you several questions on human emotions to aid with my research."

"Of course Nemu, would you like to walk with me then?" She nodded and they started walking companionably for several minutes, getting used to each other's presence.

"Do you mind if I ask you those questions now?" Uryuu nodded. "Alright. My first question is what is a kiss?"

Uryuu looked like he had walked into a pole. He looked surprised for several seconds, then regained his composure with a new blush on his face. "A-a a kiss, you said?"

"Yes."

"Uh, well a kiss is where um…two people who like each other press their lips to one another to show affection."

"Ah, I see, can you be more detailed with this? I'm programmed to remember everything so you can speak freely."

"Uh…I see. Well, you can give a kiss to many kinds of people, though generally you only kiss people you know and like in a friendly or romantic manner. A kiss varies person to person however and giving a kiss to a family member would be different than giving a kiss to a friend or lover."

"I understand. Does a kiss always occur on the lips?"

"No. Generally, depending on the givers' personality and the receivers' relationship with the giver, a kiss can be bestowed on various parts of the body." Uryuu blushed heavily at this last statement. _It__'__s__all__right,__as__long__as__I__explain__it__scientifically,__nothing__can__go__wrong__…_

_Right?_

"I'm afraid I don't quite understand and my master wishes for me to be as thorough as possible. Would you mind demonstrating for me?"

He stopped walking. Uryuu's face was now colored the same as Renji's hair. "Demonstrate…on you?"

"Yes please, this is for my research." _For__her__research__…__right._

"Alright…if it will help you." They continued walking. "Um…we'll start with a kiss on the cheek. A kiss on the cheek is given to family members, friends, anyone who you are well acquainted with who might be willing to accept a kiss. In some cultures, a kiss on the cheek is regarded as a form of greeting."

She nodded. "I see. So this sort of kiss is only mildly affectionate and isn't considered romantic?"

"Not normally, though lovers do sometimes kiss like that."

"Alright. Will you demonstrate?" Uryuu paused. Slowly he moved closer to her and gently wrapped his arm around her petite shoulders. Carefully he pulled her close to his side, he stooped and gently pressed his lips to her cheek, only holding them there for a second. When the kiss was over, he released her shoulders and moved so he was about a foot away from her. He began rambling to cover up his nerves.

"So that's a kiss on the cheek, depending on the length of the kiss you can also tell how much affection the giver has for the recipient, in our case I only kissed you briefly because I am not well acquainted with you which also has to do with my character, I mean-"

"Your lips are warm." Uryuu stopped ranting and glanced at Nemu. Her left hand touched over her left cheek where his lips had been a second before. "That was most unusual. Shall we continue?"

"Um…sure. Ah…another kiss is a kiss on the forehead. This kiss is sometimes given to someone younger, usually by parents to their children, or at least from someone older to someone younger. It's not really given to friends, at least not that I've seen. It's considered tender or loving in a familial way and is not really romantic."

Nemu nodded and stopped walking, waiting for him to kiss her again. Uryuu faced her again, blushing and still shy. Gently he rested his hands on her shoulders, as an anchor, bent his head and kissed her forehead. "If you don't mind I'll explain a kiss on the top of the head next." Quickly he kissed her there before letting her go and walking again.

"A kiss on the head is probably the most platonic kiss there is and I've seen it used in most situations, though mostly people give that kiss to someone who is shorter than them."

"I see. Does one only kiss someone on the face?"

"Um…well no, I've seen people kiss one another's neck before…that kiss is generally used for lovers or with someone you are romantically involved with, though friends have been known to do it too. Some cultures consider it a more respectful kiss to do in public, as a kiss on the lips is considered private."

"How do you feel about a kiss on the neck?"

Uryuu stopped and sat down on a bench nearby. "I was brought up so that any kiss was considered romantic…and to me, I consider a kiss on the neck one of the more…sensual kisses."

Nemu noted his blush again but pressed on. "Will you demonstrate then?" Uryuu nodded. _I__'__m__going__to__hell__for__this__if__Ryuken__doesn__'__t__find__me__first._He turned on the bench slightly to face her, then carefully moved her hair away from the right side of her neck. He scooched closer. Gently he held the base of her head and moved her neck close to his lips; close enough to smell her perfume. He allowed his nose to press just beneath her jaw and he inhaled. She smelled clean and fresh with a hint of vanilla. He let his lips linger over a spot on her neck before he gently kissed her skin. He gently pulled away to look at her face and yet again he was surprised. Nemu's face was flushed and she was blushing. She actually felt…confused. Her heart rate was elevated and she felt it pounding through her ribcage. Her neck felt like it was burned and she felt hot and cold all over.

Quickly she composed herself into her calm, cool façade. "Th-thank you." _Damn__her__voice__for__stuttering!_ "Are there any more kisses I should know about?"

Uryuu snapped out of his trance. _WHAT__HAVE__I__DONE?__I__enjoyed__that__far__too__much,__she__smelled__wonderful__and-_

"Uryuu?"

"Oh, er…forgive me. The final kiss is a kiss on the lips, which is a kiss exclusive to someone you love romantically."

"I see." They paused, neither moving nor speaking. "Um…so are you…?"

"Oh! Um…yes, I'm sorry."

"Uryuu, have you ever kissed someone like this before?"

He sighed. "Honestly, no. And I'm actually rather embarrassed by this."

"Would it be easier if you couldn't see?"

"What do you-" Before he could react, he felt her gently slip his glasses off his face. His eyesight wasn't too terrible, but he couldn't see her face well.

He felt her hand touch his cheek, and Nemu leaned forward to get a better look at him. "You have very nice eyes Uryuu." Uryuu's mind was on autopilot now. He reached up, gently cupping her chin in his hands, his eyes slid shut, and gently placed his lips on hers. Nemu felt breathless. Her heart thudded against her chest and she mimicked Uryuu, closing her eyes. When Uryuu was sure she wouldn't push him away, he gently wrapped his arms around her back and brought her closer, holding her like she was fine china. Nemu's arms felt weak and tingly so she allowed them to rest on his arms, noting that even though he was slim and the jacket was heavy, he still felt strong and muscular. All too soon it seemed, Uryuu pulled away, breathless and flushed with embarrassment of what he just did. He still held her, just looking at her, studying her face and calm expression.

Nemu blinked, blushed, then quietly asked, "C-could we try that one more time?"

Uryuu's eyes widened, then his mouth slid into a gentle smile. Nemu couldn't help but mimic his smile. "Yes, and…would you mind if I try something while we kiss?"

Nemu grinned a little mischievously. "Will it help with my research?"

Uryuu nodded. "I'll give an explanation later." He went in for another kiss, Nemu eagerly participating this time. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he wrapped his around her waist. After several second of kissing her, he decided to try it and gently ran his tongue over her bottom lip. Nemu shivered, but opened her mouth and allowed him to kiss her in this strange new way. His tongue in her mouth felt like the rest of him, shy, embarrassed, but gentle and loving. Her tongue met his and they danced in her mouth for a while until the need for air was too great.

"Hmm…this is very interesting." Captain Kurotsuchi looked at his daughter and the Quincy kissing from the comfort of his laboratory. "I thought I would have to terminate that Quincy, but I guess he's still useful in some sort of research."

**A/N: DONE! YAY! Um…so yeah, I'm gonna do most of the Captains I think…once I come up with some sort of plot…so yeah. See ya!**


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